I have written a couple of posts recently ( HERE and HERE) about my grand plans of scheduling more time to take care of myself. To be more specific, to keep in shape. Let me just say, right off the bat, I have FAILED!! FAIL, FAIL, FAIL!! Now I can give several excuses reasons for this. Some may be legit, while others are just plain excuses! But I have now decided that I have fallen into the trap of being a mom. Every one elses needs come first and by the time I make time to work out, I am down right LAZY!
On top of not working out, I have been PIGGING out! For real, as if I am 3 months pregnant. NO I am NOT pregnant, nor plan on becoming pregnant ever again. I have gained 10 pounds in 3 months! Yeah, it's that bad.
Let's rewind a little bit, shall we? After nursing Carter, my hormones were CRAZY and they literally made me CRAZY! Poor Jeremy, for having to put up with me, during the first couple days of each period. After waiting several months and the CRAZIES just kept getting crazier, I decided to go back on the pill. I really didn't want to, but my hormones really needed to get back on track, I was a ticking time bomb.
So, I went to the Doctor and explained to him that I didn't want to be on birth control because it tends to make me gain weight and I really didn't want to experiment with several before finding one that works. After weighing the pros and cons of several different ones, he decided to try me on Yaz - a newer b.c. and informed me that "yes, I will have cravings, but as long as I ignored them, I would not gain weight."
Within a week, I started noticing a big difference in my eating habits and cravings. All along, I was reminding myself what I knew was going on. It didn't matter. I started eating and eating and eating. Because eating all the gross food that I was, I didn't feel up to working out. And so the cycle began. I stopped working out regularly and began eating as if I was pregnant. Not a good combination.
I gave Yaz 3 months (the recommendation of my Doctor) and while it did help my hormones level out, it actually drew me to the other side of the spectrum. I had NO emotions! I didn't get upset, didn't cry, didn't stress out as much. But also I didn't want ANYTHING to do with Jeremy, if you get my drift!
So here I am now, a fat, fast food eating, lazy, non-emotional zombie. WOW! I feel really good about myself at this point.
I did have another Doctor's appointment, and I requested a new b.c. I don't even remember what he put me on. It has seemed to help with my zombie like emotions, but I am still craving all kinds of junk. But I think now, it is just because I have gotten so used to eating like this - not so much the medication!
Did I mention, that I have gained 10 pounds?!? All I need now is a pair of "mom jeans" and an embroidered sweatshirt!
So here I am, a woman who NEVER thought I wouldn't make time for myself. A woman who believes in eating healthy and working out. A woman who needs to be strong, physically and emotionally, for her boys. A woman who is at the end of her rope, whose self esteem has plummeted and who can't get possibly feel good about herself! A woman that wants to get back to where she was, when she was thin, healthy and strong.
I need an intervention! Seriously!