As I'm writing this, the boys are enjoying themselves at the park. This is my first time writing a post from my phone, but I want to capture my feelings about this moment before it slips away! We've been at the park for a little over 30 minutes. Upon arriving Evan found two boys to play with, then the herd eventually grew to 8 boys, all around the same age. They played tag, huddled around a pole and chit chatted a little while, ran some more, got in line for drinks at the drinking fountain, grouped around the swings with the "alpha" boys actually swinging and the others content to stand and talk with one another. I catch myself enthralled in the dynamic of what's unfolding although I keep needing to act like I'm not watching.Occasionally Evan will inconspicuously look my way, a quick glance to make sure I'm still nearby. But in that same glance there is a little bit of "mom, quick watching I'm trying to play". After each look, he has a moment of shyness before refocusing on the friends at hand. He regains his swagger and attitude. And when he doesn't think I'm watching any longer, he breaks free from the shy, calculating, non-risk taker and does something to earn some "street" cred. I've watched him climb up a baby swing then get it swinging before taking flight. I've been stricken with instant worry as he jumps from the highest step on the jungle gym. Only for him to give me an fleeting "I'm ok mom!" glance. I'm sitting here like a crazy emotional mom, hiding behind my sunglasses, feeling as if my little man is growing up right before my very eyes. I kinda want to stop it, tell the boys we need to go home, something to pause this progression. But I won't. I will sit and relish the occasional glance from a boy to his mom! And also help him keep his cred, by knowing when to look away when I need to.